Meiri is lonely.

I dreamed last night that someone asked Meirizhu to join a faction.

Alas, it was but a dream.

Jade Dynasty... the game that plays itself.

Jade Dynasty is great. I've never had more fun not playing a game.

It's good-looking. The environments are pretty and full of blossoming cherry trees and such. The music, however, is less than stunning. It's pleasant, but it's bland, plinky, tuneless stuff. Also, the developers ripped one track straight from PWI and stuck it in Jade Dynasty, hoping no one would notice. Some of the ground textures looked a bit familiar, too.

One of the most interesting things about Jade Dynasty is this: everyone is sexy. Character creation was disappointing in that I had 7 faces to choose from and 7 hair styles to choose from. No control over coloring or build. So, of course, I kept running into clones of my character, which was annoying. On the flip side, it's impossible to create an ugly character. All the same, more options would be nice. I wanted to make another Mary Sue.

Jade Dynasty seems to have a more structured plot than PW. The problem is that it doesn't make any sense. You travel from area to area finding out more about the life of some great hero who turned into a great villain and now nobody knows what to do with him. Why should you care? Frankly I don't see what this noble Shaw Danon of Jadeon, who defected and became the villainous Velonus of Vim, has to do with me.

This brings me to the subject of factions. The terminology is confusing, because in PW a faction is what Jade Dynasty calls a clan, but in Jade Dynasty a faction is what PW calls a class. Your faction determines your weapons, armor, and skills. You have five choices, and here's the rundown on each:

• Jadeon, pompous pricks in bathrobes with swords.
• Skysong, happy healer monks.
• Vim, who use two swords stuck together.
• Lupin, crazy dancers who use circular glaives.
• Modo, gothic ninjas with claws.

I find it highly entertaining that the first two of these factions are arbitrarily labeled "Good" and the other three "Evil," especially since at the earlier levels the difference between this so-called "Good" and "Evil" is pretty hard to see.

How does Jade Dynasty handle? Pretty well, over all... perhaps too well. There are many convenient features, my favorite of which is Auto-route. This allows you to click on a destination from your quest menu and your character finds the shortest way there.

Once you're near your quarry, you can press another button to "Invigorate"--automatically attack everything in range. All you have to do is check every once in a while to make sure nothing has killed you.

If you do get close to dying, you can Meditate to regain health and magic power... also experience points. Continuously. For doing nothing. I once left my character meditating overnight, and when I woke up in the morning he'd gained five levels.

The first fifteen or so levels are ridiculously easy, too. Enemies are stupid and sluggish, and you start out with a skill that kills them in one hit, anyway. It's possible to get to level 15 in one evening and still have time for Facebook.

I have a theory. Jade Dynasty is a relatively new game; it's only been out for four months. I think the developers are trying to get a lot of really high-level players quickly. There's a chance that in future updates and patches the difficulty curve might steepen as the ranks of Jade Dynasty players swell--right now, there aren't a lot of players, and they're spread out over too many different servers.

I still recommend Jade Dynasty. I mean, why not? It is free, after all, so there's nothing to lose except some hard drive space. It's pretty and relaxing. It's also a great game for multi-taskers, since you can play it without actually playing it. If you don't find that self-defeating, you'll love Jade Dynasty. If, however, you're an experienced gamer looking for a challenge, or an internet socialite looking for a new community, Jade Dynasty might not be a good choice for you yet. Check back in a few months or a year when it's not fresh on the market anymore.

Believe it or not, this review is the condensed version. If you want the 3 1/2 page monstrosity I wrote for class, let me know and I'll get it to you.

Lol.

Nothing is sadder than an emo panda.

Prepare yourself.

Whether or not I'm burned out on the game, the review I'm writing of Jade Dynasty is looooooooooooong. The professor requires three pages. My outline was two pages long. I'll try to cut the review down for this blog, but know that I do have a lot more to say about the game. Let me know if you want the full scoop and I'll send it to you in all its rambling glory.

Also, the Blade Slaves are too sexy to be enemies, in my opinion.

Burned out

When I'm done writing this review of Jade Dynasty for my Writing About the Arts class, I don't think I'll ever play it again.

Back to gender studies.

I know I promised this post would be another review. There are two reasons it's not.

The first reason is that I'm still working on the reviews. One of them actually turned into a class project.

The other reason is that I'm afraid I'll get away from the original purpose of this blog, which is not to talk about actual gameplay as it is to talk about game players and their interactions with each other--focusing particularly on how girl gamers are treated.

I've found that people usually assume players are the same gender as their characters, and it's often--not always--true. It's also easier to find help and friends when you're playing as a girl.

The other night I was playing Jade Dynasty (as Merisu, the scary broad in the picture) and befriended Jack (not his full name). Jack and I chatted, killed monsters, and compared silly outfits together and eventually wound up exchanging AIM screennames. It wasn't until the next day, when I mentioned my boyfriend, that he realized I was a girl.

Maybe at one point I may have been offended at this, but now I feel gratified.

Starting afresh

What do I do when the going gets tough?

I freak out and start over from scratch.

Rather than trying to make new friends and find a new faction for Meirizhu and Siloam, I just made a new character: Idumea the Blademaster, a cliche feisty redhead.

I've been enjoying playing as Idumea so far. Already made a couple of friends. Joined a faction, which died the next day.

I had expected people to shorten the name, but I wasn't expecting meadea, which is what one guy calls me. It's kind of adorable, though.

By no means am I going to retire Meiri and Sil. I'm too attached to them. But they're probably going to be on the bench for a little while.

Mawwiage.

I realized today that I have neglected to mention one of the weirdest things about Perfect World:

You can get married.

Yes, you can pay some gold for a wedding pack and visit an NPC called the Eldest Matchmaker and get hitched to your sweetie... or whoever answers your world chat message proclaiming "RICH SEXXY BM LOOKIN 4 HOT WIFE W/ BIG BOOBS!! PM ME!!!!1"

Benefits of being married are, as I see it, threefold:

• As a wedding gift, you receive a bunch of items. That do something. I'm not sure what.
• When you grind with your spouse (oh, the puns!), you get extra experience from the enemies you kill.
• From that day forward a sign floats above your head, over your name and your faction's name: "So-and-so's Wife/Husband." Because you can never have too much text hat.
  

Then, of course, there's also the system announcement that proclaims to the entire server that the two of you are now husband and wife. This is usually followed by a cascade of world chat and private messages, from other players you may or may not know, congratulating you.

It seems there are two main attitudes toward marriage.

Some people take it really really seriously. They tell each other in world chat--which, by the way, costs money--how they will love them forever. This is kind of creepy... but I have to fight the urge to also call it sweet.

Then there are other people who forget they're married, cuddling and smooching other players. Adultery, I say! Disgusting! This can cause some drama in world chat... some calling of names, some character assassination, etc.

Luckily, it is possible to divorce your cheating spouse! Yes, for 2 million coins you can annul a marriage.

I will never forget this message I saw in world chat one day: "WANT TO SELL MY CLOTHES SO I CAN DIVORCE WIFE. PM ME."

Then, later, "WIFE FOR SALE, 2 MIL."

I have mixed feelings about the whole idea of marriage in a game.

On the one hand, it's just silly. I mean, it's a game. Let's not be obsessive here. There's something a little creepy about "marrying" someone you've probably never met in person--even if it's not a true marriage, it's a facsimile thereof.

On the other hand... I'm tempted. Marriage is just cute. Every time I see characters holding each other, some part of me goes, "Awwwwwwww!" And it would be nice to have someone to rely on for help killing things and questing.

I would never consider marrying some random player. It would have to be someone I had spent a lot of time talking to, someone near my level, someone I already did a lot of grinding (*snicker, snicker*) with. And I don't have anybody like that right now.

Kind of like in real life.

Funny how that works.

Character farming feels weird.

It's such a weird feeling, playing as someone else's character. Kind of like sleeping in someone else's room. I still haven't gotten used to leveling up Kristei and Rod's characters for them.

It's especially weird playing as Rodneye, for two reasons.

The first is just that I'm not used to playing as a dude. I got out of the habit a long time ago. I feel a strange urge to put a disclaimer on all my chats: I'm actually a chick!

The second is that I used to go questing and grinding playing as Liulen or Meirizhu, in a squad with Rod playing as Rodneye.

It's a whole new perspective.

Slingshots

They're just too awesome.

Everybody else has one!

I don't need one. I don't particularly want one. I don't even know what they're good for.

But everybody else has a genie, and I feel left out.

What is a genie, you ask? I'm not sure, myself. I only know that it's a small, cute, colorful little thing that circles around your character and sucks your experience points.

The addition of genies seems to be the extent of the long-awaited "expansion pack." Not to knock the fine folks who design Perfect World, because I obviously adore this game . . . but you pretty much already had genies, except they were called angels and you had to buy them.

Genies are free, though; you just have to ask an NPC for them. So, of course, EVERYONE has a genie now. Even though nobody is really sure what they do. As a dear faction mate said in his lovely Engrish, "Not yet discover the beauty usefulness of it yet."

Well, I'm trying to wait until someone discovers the beauty usefulness of genies and tells me what it is. I don't like getting things that don't have a point, especially if they're going to suck my experience.



In the meantime, I'm going to just feel left out. Like in this picture. You can see Kay's purple genie hovering over her shoulder, and OrangeElf's green genie just behind him. And my cute flying thing, Nugget. Not really the same effect.

Best pet ever

I totally did not make up this name.

It's not eavesdropping if it's common chat.

At least, that's my firm belief. So I didn't feel too guilty for screenshotting the following conversation between a cute female elf named Silveste and a lovestruck male elf named WeedInhaler:



"I hope you guys know I'm totally screenshotting this," I told them. And he called me a bitch and I flew away.

Welcome to the farm.

I recently agreed to log in with my friend Rod's account and do some work on his character, Rodneye, a Blademaster. Rod's computer is on the blink, but he doesn't want Rodneye to languish and pine and be left behind in levels before he can get it fixed. I'm happy to help out a friend, and it's kind of fun.

Then Rod's sister Kristei asked me to work on her Wizard character, appropriately named Kristei, and her new Venomancer, Somonia. I agreed to these, too, despite having 3 of my own characters.



"Careful, Rita," teased my ex, Al. "You might get caught up in the seedy business of experience farming."

It is a lot on my plate, along with school and a part-time job, but I'm enjoying it so far and taking it slow. I'm focusing on Rodneye and Somonia for now, since Kristei the Wizard is at a higher level than either of them.

I work with each of them once every couple of days, trying to raise them at least one level per session. I e-mail frequent progress reports to Kristei and Rod. It's kind of cool! I feel like I'm managing a team, or something.

I've played a Blademaster before, and they're pretty straightforward. But I was nervous about training a veno. Luckily my faction has a lot of high-level venos, and they've been very helpful about answering my questions.

This is a good opportunity for me to learn about the PROPER way to build a character—checking the forums and consulting higher levels, planning the allotment of growth points, deciding early what skills to get. With my characters, I've always just kind of messed around, learning from my mistakes with Liulen but otherwise playing it by ear. But I'd be pretty upset with myself if I messed up someone else's character.

Name the chicken!

Something random happened to me today. A guy gave me a free pet. We squadded together for a quest, and when it was done and we were saying our thank-yous and goodbyes, I complimented the pretty bird following him around.

"You want it?" he said. Apparently he had a few spares lying around.

Baby Elysium Fowls aren't good for a lot except flapping around your head and getting in the way of people trying to target you. They're basically just big, pretty, decorative flying chickens. But you don't have to feed them or train them, and this guy was offering one to me free. How can I turn down a free animal?

So now I have a Baby Elysium Fowl. It has a disturbing habit of hovering just above Meirizhu's head, a little too close for comfort. I have an irrational fear it's going to poop in her hair. It makes cute little cheeping noises.



But now I have a problem. What am I going to name this big, pretty chicken? I've had a couple of ideas and suggestions already:

• Zephyrus
• Elysian
• KFC
• The Colonel
  

If any of you guys have any other ideas, let me know in the comments! My pet must have a name!

Trying so hard not to be shallow

I will not buy a new dress. I will not buy a new dress. I will be content with my armor. I will be content.

This is what I keep telling myself. Up until this point, it hasn't been hard. But the new Plumed Embrace outfit would look so cute on Meirizhu!

The problem is that I'm poor. There are two kinds of currency in PWI: coins, which you earn for stuff you do in the game, and gold pieces, which you pay for with a credit card. If you want to buy gold pieces, the minimum you have to shell out is $50. That would get me enough gold to buy tons of Plumed Embrace outfits. There's no way I'm dishing out that much actual money, though.

There is an alternative. I'm sitting on a small pile of mirage celestones, semi-precious little rocks you can use to upgrade equipment. It really doesn't make sense to do that, though, until you're at a super-high level and keeping your weapons for a long time. So, do I keep stockpiling them until I'm level 60, or do I sell them and buy pretty clothes from another player?

I can't believe this is even an issue. I used to think it was so silly to dress up your character in clothes that don't help in combat.

But, like I told Thug, I have to make some concession to girliness.

Goodbye, Liu!

It is with sadness and regret that I announce the retirement of Blademaster Liulen as an active character.

We were doing just fine until after the big boss quest at level 19. When I got the special weapon that was a quest reward, I realized Liu didn't have enough strength points to equip it.

I made the journey to the big city of Archosaur, anyway, where I was the only Blademaster who didn't have my big glowy spear equipped. It was three more levels, very difficult levels, of pouring every growth point I earned into strength, before I could finally equip it and compete with all the other Blademasters.

By then, though, I was getting really frustrated. I dealt less damage and was less sturdy than other Blademasters my level. The truth of it was, I had built Liulen wrong, putting too many points into magic and dexterity. In my attempt to make a well-rounded character, I made a useless one.

My immediate reaction was making Siloam, a Cleric, and I've really enjoyed playing as her. But I miss mindless hacking away as a Blademaster, so I'm starting a new one: a sexy male named Bassai.

Yep, that's me. I get frustrated, I start over from scratch.

Elves are snobs.

Above you see three Clerics and one Archer. Having a squad of three healers and one ranged attack is not particularly efficient, but it is fun.

Few things are more hilarious than a squad made up entirely of 4 or 5 female Clerics running around trying to kill things. (According to one of my faction mates, few things are also hotter.)

This happens pretty often when I'm playing as my Cleric. I always ask for help, since it's really hard to do things alone as a Cleric. The people who answer my pleas for help are those who understand my position--basically, other Clerics.

That's why so often I find myself in a troupe of lightweight chicks frantically throwing spells at Ursogs and dying after every other skirmish. One evening it was a constant parade back and forth between the respawn point and the enemy territory.

If you don't let it frustrate you, it's amusing.

Boys are fun.

I really enjoy teenage boys. Not in a creepy way; they just amuse me and they're fun to hang out with. Especially when, like my PWI friends, they have just the right balance of machismo and sensitivity. And it's always nicer to have someone to go questing with. Someone to take some of your hits. Someone to wail over your dead body if you're killed by an aggressive mongoose, then commit suicide so you can both rendezvous at the respawn point. Yes, I have done that, and I'm not alone, either.

Questing and running around with these PWI guys reminds me of living in Minnesota many years ago, when my best friends were the neighbor boys. They had at their disposal several acres of farm, a four-wheeler, and a healthy taste for adventure. Whether we were catching frogs, falling off hay bales, or simply chasing each other with sticks, we had fun.

So I guess, as it turns out, one of the reasons I play PWI is to relive the halcyon days of youth. Only this time it's cactopods, fortress walls, and swords instead of frogs, hay bales and sticks.

*Headdesk*

I don't do a lot of either world chat or common chat in PWI, but I do keep an eye on what others are saying. Every once in a while I come across something like this and have a sudden urge to slam my forehead onto my desk.


Later on, though, I found a rare piece of true wit.