I'm a noob. A sad noob.

Today is the first day I've ever felt like a total loser while playing an online game.

I've been trying out Dungeons and Dragons Online, and it's been fun, even though it's very different than the games I'm used to. Combat is more difficult and requires more concentration; skills, stats, and leveling up are all WAY more complicated, and the community is... Dungeons and Dragons guys.

This means the chat window is packed full of debate about whether it's better to be a ranger/rogue or a rogue/ranger, etc., and most of it goes straight over my head.

It's possible to do most quests alone, but you can go back with a party and do it on a higher difficulty for more experience and loot. When someone asks you to join a party, it's most likely because they want to do some hardcore experience grinding. That's what these guys tonight were after when they recruited my level 2 paladin, Hausse Heiathan.

I had trouble finding the dungeons. I couldn't figure out how to make my heal kit work, so I couldn't resurrect a guy who had died. I misread my character sheet. About the only thing I could be counted on to do was to flail my sword around wildly and apologize for messing up.

While we were doing one quest on the hardest difficulty possible, 3 of us died and Schmoopy got disconnected. Xade, or whatever his name was, kept shouting for someone to take his soul stone to the resurrection shrine.

Death is so confusing in DDO. I still don't really understand how it works. Apparently when you die your body lies on the ground, a soul stone hovers above this body, and you also turn into a ghost, which can run around for a limited distance.

I ran with my ghost to the resurrection shrine, came back to life, and re-entered the fray.

Oh, guess what? If you leave the room where the boss is, you automatically fail the quest.

"Damn it, Hausse!" said Xade.

I couldn't handle it. I left the squad. Then I signed off. Then I started writing this pathetic blog post about how hurt my feelings are. I can't shake the feeling that people would cut me more slack if I used my female character instead of manly Hausse.

I think I'll go back to playing pretty Asian games where everyone is nice.

Darn me for being nice!

I was stood up twice this evening.

The first was a bossy little 14-year-old prima donna Blademaster. I was playing as Siloam and understandably having some difficulty fighting alone, so I squadded with her, since we were both after ghouls. Then she asked if I would stay and help her with wolfkins and quillhogs.

Because I am a nice person, I said yes. Because I am a nice person, I also let her have some of my mana potions--which, by the way, are far more important to me as a cleric than to her as a bm. I only had 16. I split them with her.

Mana potions aren't expensive, so giving them away isn't a big deal. However, it is customary, in polite circles, to make some sort of offering in return, just as a gesture of thanks. A few soft furs, for example, or a couple of dull claws. This girl gave nothing. Nor did she offer to buy me some when we got back to town.

And, of course, I was too nice to ask her to.

She also had the nerve to bitch at me when I ran out of mana and couldn't heal her constantly.

She was a bm. Her name involved the word "tanker." She should not have needed continuous healing spells.

Long story short, for some reason I agreed that we would stay together for our next quests. I went, picked up the quests, sold my furs, bought some replacement potions, and sat outside the city gates to wait for her.

After about 20 minutes: "Sorry, I have to go!" she said. Leaving me to do all my quests by myself.

Enter a gallant archer who also needed help. We got along quite well. He was sturdy and dealt good damage. He complimented me on my healing abilities. Quests were a breeze. Being in a squad with him was so pleasant I agreed to help him on quests I had no need for.

When it came time for the next round of quests, we stuck together. Or, at least, we planned to. Until he had to sign off suddenly. After I had waited for him at the spawn point for about 20 minutes.

Elves are snobs.

Above you see three Clerics and one Archer. Having a squad of three healers and one ranged attack is not particularly efficient, but it is fun.

Few things are more hilarious than a squad made up entirely of 4 or 5 female Clerics running around trying to kill things. (According to one of my faction mates, few things are also hotter.)

This happens pretty often when I'm playing as my Cleric. I always ask for help, since it's really hard to do things alone as a Cleric. The people who answer my pleas for help are those who understand my position--basically, other Clerics.

That's why so often I find myself in a troupe of lightweight chicks frantically throwing spells at Ursogs and dying after every other skirmish. One evening it was a constant parade back and forth between the respawn point and the enemy territory.

If you don't let it frustrate you, it's amusing.

"Blue_Wind wants to carry you. Accept?"

Here's a little event that happened a while ago, but it's relevant to the way I'm feeling right now.

It was probably only the first or second day that I'd been playing as Meirizhu. At any rate, I was at a low level. I was hanging out in Plume, the lovely city of the elves, when I received a notice:

“Blue_Wind wants to carry you. Do you accept? Yes/No”

I'd never gotten a notice like this. Duurrrrrrr, I wonder what that means, I thought, and pressed “yes.”

Next thing I knew I was in the arms of a handsome young archer, my booted feet dangling.

“Hi,” Blue Wind whispered.

So this is what it means to be carried, I thought. Why didn't I guess? I found out later that carrying someone or being carried fills up your chi gauge, which allows you to execute special techniques. Therefore it's not uncommon for male characters to ask random female passersby for “a chi spark,” though usually they have other motives that are less pragmatic.

I don't know about chi sparks at the time, so I didn't know if that's what Blue Wind was after, but he quite gallantly asked if I needed help with any quests.

I thought about my current quarry, cactopods, which usually died after two hits, and rolled my eyes. Chauvinist pig.

“No, I'm all right,” is what I actually said. And then, I went on: “Thank you, though. Quite chivalrous.” And I politely asked him to set me down.

At the time, I was slightly miffed. The nerve of him, scooping me up and then patronizing me! But later on I began to melt. It was still less than a week since my boyfriend of a year and a half had dumped me, and I was stressing out about school, too, considering switching majors. I felt overwhelmed and very, very alone. I think some part of me actually wanted someone to drop out of the sky, pick me up, and offer to help me with anything I needed.

And that's kind of what I want right now.