I enter the forum fray. Also, I have another assignment.

I feel a little more legit as a gamer now that I've started posting in forums on The Escapist.

The number of replies to my first thread was really exciting! So far it has more than 1600 views and more than 100 replies. (And I promise no more than a dozen or so views were me sitting and hitting refresh every ten seconds.) That's really nothing to write home about, in comparison to some of the other threads, but it's still cool.

What wondrous, insightful topic did I unfurl before the masses? "Who are the strongest and weakest female video game characters of all time?"

By strength, I don't only mean ass-kicking abilities; I also mean depth of character and relevance to the storyline. By weakness, I mean shallowness, passivity, and existing for little more than eye-candy.

I asked for the opinions of fellow gamers because I'm writing a proposal for a book about female video game characters. (As of right now, I'm not going to actually write the book, just the assigned proposal. But I'm having to do so much research I might as well go ahead and write the thing.)

And now, I invite you, dear readers, to answer the same question. Strongest and weakest? Best and worst? Awesomest and most useless?

IRL

I felt like an elf today.

Note little gray fluffball Artemis. My animal companion.

Jade Dynasty, revisited

I've been playing Jade Dynasty again. I feel different about it this time around--better--probably because I don't have the pressure of writing that review paper.

It's a great game for relaxation, and I can switch back and forth between it and homework pretty easily. I think they've added a few new music tracks, so it's not as monotonous to listen to.

I think that right now my only serious issue with the game is the player interaction. I mean, the lack thereof. Nobody talks. Ever. Not even in world chat, which in Perfect World is full of trashtalk, confessions of love, and references to nerd culture. Players in Jade Dynasty only use it to sell things. And common chat is always totally dead, even on the weekends.

I think there are a few reasons. For one thing, there are too many realms... there are only 2 servers, but each server is divided into about a dozen different realms, self-contained replicas of the same world. You might call them different instances. You can move between them, and world chat reaches all of them, but you only actually see the other players that are in your realm.

I really miss randomly bumping into people and striking up conversations with them. I've only actually had discourse with 2 players in the whole time I've been playing. (And they haven't been on since.)

I'm lonely.

I'm a noob. A sad noob.

Today is the first day I've ever felt like a total loser while playing an online game.

I've been trying out Dungeons and Dragons Online, and it's been fun, even though it's very different than the games I'm used to. Combat is more difficult and requires more concentration; skills, stats, and leveling up are all WAY more complicated, and the community is... Dungeons and Dragons guys.

This means the chat window is packed full of debate about whether it's better to be a ranger/rogue or a rogue/ranger, etc., and most of it goes straight over my head.

It's possible to do most quests alone, but you can go back with a party and do it on a higher difficulty for more experience and loot. When someone asks you to join a party, it's most likely because they want to do some hardcore experience grinding. That's what these guys tonight were after when they recruited my level 2 paladin, Hausse Heiathan.

I had trouble finding the dungeons. I couldn't figure out how to make my heal kit work, so I couldn't resurrect a guy who had died. I misread my character sheet. About the only thing I could be counted on to do was to flail my sword around wildly and apologize for messing up.

While we were doing one quest on the hardest difficulty possible, 3 of us died and Schmoopy got disconnected. Xade, or whatever his name was, kept shouting for someone to take his soul stone to the resurrection shrine.

Death is so confusing in DDO. I still don't really understand how it works. Apparently when you die your body lies on the ground, a soul stone hovers above this body, and you also turn into a ghost, which can run around for a limited distance.

I ran with my ghost to the resurrection shrine, came back to life, and re-entered the fray.

Oh, guess what? If you leave the room where the boss is, you automatically fail the quest.

"Damn it, Hausse!" said Xade.

I couldn't handle it. I left the squad. Then I signed off. Then I started writing this pathetic blog post about how hurt my feelings are. I can't shake the feeling that people would cut me more slack if I used my female character instead of manly Hausse.

I think I'll go back to playing pretty Asian games where everyone is nice.

Meiri is lonely.

I dreamed last night that someone asked Meirizhu to join a faction.

Alas, it was but a dream.

Jade Dynasty... the game that plays itself.

Jade Dynasty is great. I've never had more fun not playing a game.

It's good-looking. The environments are pretty and full of blossoming cherry trees and such. The music, however, is less than stunning. It's pleasant, but it's bland, plinky, tuneless stuff. Also, the developers ripped one track straight from PWI and stuck it in Jade Dynasty, hoping no one would notice. Some of the ground textures looked a bit familiar, too.

One of the most interesting things about Jade Dynasty is this: everyone is sexy. Character creation was disappointing in that I had 7 faces to choose from and 7 hair styles to choose from. No control over coloring or build. So, of course, I kept running into clones of my character, which was annoying. On the flip side, it's impossible to create an ugly character. All the same, more options would be nice. I wanted to make another Mary Sue.

Jade Dynasty seems to have a more structured plot than PW. The problem is that it doesn't make any sense. You travel from area to area finding out more about the life of some great hero who turned into a great villain and now nobody knows what to do with him. Why should you care? Frankly I don't see what this noble Shaw Danon of Jadeon, who defected and became the villainous Velonus of Vim, has to do with me.

This brings me to the subject of factions. The terminology is confusing, because in PW a faction is what Jade Dynasty calls a clan, but in Jade Dynasty a faction is what PW calls a class. Your faction determines your weapons, armor, and skills. You have five choices, and here's the rundown on each:

• Jadeon, pompous pricks in bathrobes with swords.
• Skysong, happy healer monks.
• Vim, who use two swords stuck together.
• Lupin, crazy dancers who use circular glaives.
• Modo, gothic ninjas with claws.

I find it highly entertaining that the first two of these factions are arbitrarily labeled "Good" and the other three "Evil," especially since at the earlier levels the difference between this so-called "Good" and "Evil" is pretty hard to see.

How does Jade Dynasty handle? Pretty well, over all... perhaps too well. There are many convenient features, my favorite of which is Auto-route. This allows you to click on a destination from your quest menu and your character finds the shortest way there.

Once you're near your quarry, you can press another button to "Invigorate"--automatically attack everything in range. All you have to do is check every once in a while to make sure nothing has killed you.

If you do get close to dying, you can Meditate to regain health and magic power... also experience points. Continuously. For doing nothing. I once left my character meditating overnight, and when I woke up in the morning he'd gained five levels.

The first fifteen or so levels are ridiculously easy, too. Enemies are stupid and sluggish, and you start out with a skill that kills them in one hit, anyway. It's possible to get to level 15 in one evening and still have time for Facebook.

I have a theory. Jade Dynasty is a relatively new game; it's only been out for four months. I think the developers are trying to get a lot of really high-level players quickly. There's a chance that in future updates and patches the difficulty curve might steepen as the ranks of Jade Dynasty players swell--right now, there aren't a lot of players, and they're spread out over too many different servers.

I still recommend Jade Dynasty. I mean, why not? It is free, after all, so there's nothing to lose except some hard drive space. It's pretty and relaxing. It's also a great game for multi-taskers, since you can play it without actually playing it. If you don't find that self-defeating, you'll love Jade Dynasty. If, however, you're an experienced gamer looking for a challenge, or an internet socialite looking for a new community, Jade Dynasty might not be a good choice for you yet. Check back in a few months or a year when it's not fresh on the market anymore.

Believe it or not, this review is the condensed version. If you want the 3 1/2 page monstrosity I wrote for class, let me know and I'll get it to you.

Lol.

Nothing is sadder than an emo panda.