Relationships are transient things. I've moved a lot, so few people know this fact better than I do. Even your strongest friendships can fall by the wayside when you don't see each other every day.

This is true in online games, too.

How many people in the world play their games at the same time on the same server every day consistently for an extended period of time? Probably a few. But not most of us.

It's rare that I can make and keep a true online friend. I'm amazed that I still keep in touch with Rod and Kristei, since we haven't played Perfect World together in months.

But you have to get used to the fact that you might meet the most amazing person one day and then never speak to them again. One of you might quit playing or switch characters, or you might just never be on at the same time. Or you might talk to them for a few weeks and then find you have nothing more to say and wander away.

Wow, what a depressing post. Here. Let me make it better:

Jade Dynasty, revisited

I've been playing Jade Dynasty again. I feel different about it this time around--better--probably because I don't have the pressure of writing that review paper.

It's a great game for relaxation, and I can switch back and forth between it and homework pretty easily. I think they've added a few new music tracks, so it's not as monotonous to listen to.

I think that right now my only serious issue with the game is the player interaction. I mean, the lack thereof. Nobody talks. Ever. Not even in world chat, which in Perfect World is full of trashtalk, confessions of love, and references to nerd culture. Players in Jade Dynasty only use it to sell things. And common chat is always totally dead, even on the weekends.

I think there are a few reasons. For one thing, there are too many realms... there are only 2 servers, but each server is divided into about a dozen different realms, self-contained replicas of the same world. You might call them different instances. You can move between them, and world chat reaches all of them, but you only actually see the other players that are in your realm.

I really miss randomly bumping into people and striking up conversations with them. I've only actually had discourse with 2 players in the whole time I've been playing. (And they haven't been on since.)

I'm lonely.

I'm a noob. A sad noob.

Today is the first day I've ever felt like a total loser while playing an online game.

I've been trying out Dungeons and Dragons Online, and it's been fun, even though it's very different than the games I'm used to. Combat is more difficult and requires more concentration; skills, stats, and leveling up are all WAY more complicated, and the community is... Dungeons and Dragons guys.

This means the chat window is packed full of debate about whether it's better to be a ranger/rogue or a rogue/ranger, etc., and most of it goes straight over my head.

It's possible to do most quests alone, but you can go back with a party and do it on a higher difficulty for more experience and loot. When someone asks you to join a party, it's most likely because they want to do some hardcore experience grinding. That's what these guys tonight were after when they recruited my level 2 paladin, Hausse Heiathan.

I had trouble finding the dungeons. I couldn't figure out how to make my heal kit work, so I couldn't resurrect a guy who had died. I misread my character sheet. About the only thing I could be counted on to do was to flail my sword around wildly and apologize for messing up.

While we were doing one quest on the hardest difficulty possible, 3 of us died and Schmoopy got disconnected. Xade, or whatever his name was, kept shouting for someone to take his soul stone to the resurrection shrine.

Death is so confusing in DDO. I still don't really understand how it works. Apparently when you die your body lies on the ground, a soul stone hovers above this body, and you also turn into a ghost, which can run around for a limited distance.

I ran with my ghost to the resurrection shrine, came back to life, and re-entered the fray.

Oh, guess what? If you leave the room where the boss is, you automatically fail the quest.

"Damn it, Hausse!" said Xade.

I couldn't handle it. I left the squad. Then I signed off. Then I started writing this pathetic blog post about how hurt my feelings are. I can't shake the feeling that people would cut me more slack if I used my female character instead of manly Hausse.

I think I'll go back to playing pretty Asian games where everyone is nice.

Back to gender studies.

I know I promised this post would be another review. There are two reasons it's not.

The first reason is that I'm still working on the reviews. One of them actually turned into a class project.

The other reason is that I'm afraid I'll get away from the original purpose of this blog, which is not to talk about actual gameplay as it is to talk about game players and their interactions with each other--focusing particularly on how girl gamers are treated.

I've found that people usually assume players are the same gender as their characters, and it's often--not always--true. It's also easier to find help and friends when you're playing as a girl.

The other night I was playing Jade Dynasty (as Merisu, the scary broad in the picture) and befriended Jack (not his full name). Jack and I chatted, killed monsters, and compared silly outfits together and eventually wound up exchanging AIM screennames. It wasn't until the next day, when I mentioned my boyfriend, that he realized I was a girl.

Maybe at one point I may have been offended at this, but now I feel gratified.

Darn me for being nice!

I was stood up twice this evening.

The first was a bossy little 14-year-old prima donna Blademaster. I was playing as Siloam and understandably having some difficulty fighting alone, so I squadded with her, since we were both after ghouls. Then she asked if I would stay and help her with wolfkins and quillhogs.

Because I am a nice person, I said yes. Because I am a nice person, I also let her have some of my mana potions--which, by the way, are far more important to me as a cleric than to her as a bm. I only had 16. I split them with her.

Mana potions aren't expensive, so giving them away isn't a big deal. However, it is customary, in polite circles, to make some sort of offering in return, just as a gesture of thanks. A few soft furs, for example, or a couple of dull claws. This girl gave nothing. Nor did she offer to buy me some when we got back to town.

And, of course, I was too nice to ask her to.

She also had the nerve to bitch at me when I ran out of mana and couldn't heal her constantly.

She was a bm. Her name involved the word "tanker." She should not have needed continuous healing spells.

Long story short, for some reason I agreed that we would stay together for our next quests. I went, picked up the quests, sold my furs, bought some replacement potions, and sat outside the city gates to wait for her.

After about 20 minutes: "Sorry, I have to go!" she said. Leaving me to do all my quests by myself.

Enter a gallant archer who also needed help. We got along quite well. He was sturdy and dealt good damage. He complimented me on my healing abilities. Quests were a breeze. Being in a squad with him was so pleasant I agreed to help him on quests I had no need for.

When it came time for the next round of quests, we stuck together. Or, at least, we planned to. Until he had to sign off suddenly. After I had waited for him at the spawn point for about 20 minutes.

And, speaking of marriage...

I have a sneaking suspicion that two members of my faction are thinking about tying the knot. They should. They work really well together.

This prospect makes me want to go "SQUEEEEEEEEEEE!" with cute girlish delight.

Also make dirty jokes about "grinding." Faction chat was a mess of it last night, and I found it highly entertaining.

Here's another weird thing about marriage in PWI: many players have more than one character. So you could conceivably have two characters... or more... married to different people. I don't think my brain could handle doing that.

Mawwiage.

I realized today that I have neglected to mention one of the weirdest things about Perfect World:

You can get married.

Yes, you can pay some gold for a wedding pack and visit an NPC called the Eldest Matchmaker and get hitched to your sweetie... or whoever answers your world chat message proclaiming "RICH SEXXY BM LOOKIN 4 HOT WIFE W/ BIG BOOBS!! PM ME!!!!1"

Benefits of being married are, as I see it, threefold:

• As a wedding gift, you receive a bunch of items. That do something. I'm not sure what.
• When you grind with your spouse (oh, the puns!), you get extra experience from the enemies you kill.
• From that day forward a sign floats above your head, over your name and your faction's name: "So-and-so's Wife/Husband." Because you can never have too much text hat.
  

Then, of course, there's also the system announcement that proclaims to the entire server that the two of you are now husband and wife. This is usually followed by a cascade of world chat and private messages, from other players you may or may not know, congratulating you.

It seems there are two main attitudes toward marriage.

Some people take it really really seriously. They tell each other in world chat--which, by the way, costs money--how they will love them forever. This is kind of creepy... but I have to fight the urge to also call it sweet.

Then there are other people who forget they're married, cuddling and smooching other players. Adultery, I say! Disgusting! This can cause some drama in world chat... some calling of names, some character assassination, etc.

Luckily, it is possible to divorce your cheating spouse! Yes, for 2 million coins you can annul a marriage.

I will never forget this message I saw in world chat one day: "WANT TO SELL MY CLOTHES SO I CAN DIVORCE WIFE. PM ME."

Then, later, "WIFE FOR SALE, 2 MIL."

I have mixed feelings about the whole idea of marriage in a game.

On the one hand, it's just silly. I mean, it's a game. Let's not be obsessive here. There's something a little creepy about "marrying" someone you've probably never met in person--even if it's not a true marriage, it's a facsimile thereof.

On the other hand... I'm tempted. Marriage is just cute. Every time I see characters holding each other, some part of me goes, "Awwwwwwww!" And it would be nice to have someone to rely on for help killing things and questing.

I would never consider marrying some random player. It would have to be someone I had spent a lot of time talking to, someone near my level, someone I already did a lot of grinding (*snicker, snicker*) with. And I don't have anybody like that right now.

Kind of like in real life.

Funny how that works.

Elves are snobs.

Above you see three Clerics and one Archer. Having a squad of three healers and one ranged attack is not particularly efficient, but it is fun.

Few things are more hilarious than a squad made up entirely of 4 or 5 female Clerics running around trying to kill things. (According to one of my faction mates, few things are also hotter.)

This happens pretty often when I'm playing as my Cleric. I always ask for help, since it's really hard to do things alone as a Cleric. The people who answer my pleas for help are those who understand my position--basically, other Clerics.

That's why so often I find myself in a troupe of lightweight chicks frantically throwing spells at Ursogs and dying after every other skirmish. One evening it was a constant parade back and forth between the respawn point and the enemy territory.

If you don't let it frustrate you, it's amusing.

No, I'm not looking for a "bf."

It's kind of sad but almost cute when a male player asks a female player to be his in-game girlfriend.

Unless, of course, said male player is 35 years old and pops the question to someone he's never spoken to before. Then it's just creepy.

On a side note, I think it's ironic that "gf" can mean either "girlfriend" or "good fight."

No Hablo

Today was Official Address Rita's Character in a Foreign Language Day.

It's happened before. There are a surprising number of Spanish-speaking players on my server, several German-speakers, and some Italians and French. It is, after all, Perfect World International.

I asked a guy to join my squad because I noticed we seemed to be killing the same things. He was helpful, but I quickly became frustrated when he wouldn't answer any of my questions. I tried common chat, squad chat, and even personal messages, and he didn't say a word. I'd already killed my quota, and if he was done, too, what was the point of going on?

Finally, he stopped running around. I stood directly in front of him and, calling him by name, I asked in common chat (which makes the words float above your character's head), "HOW MANY MORE OF THESE THINGS DO YOU NEED KILLED?"

He responded with a request to carry me. I was dumbstruck. Was he stupid or just a jerk? But then he said, "Si o no?"

This explained much. I was sorry I'd been mad at him, but what could I do except say "No hablo espanol" and leave the squad?

Later on, while I was playing as the same character--Siloam, my elf Cleric--some guy in Plume randomly whispered "hi." I'm always apprehensive when people whisper me for no reason, so I said, "Hi..."

"Wie gehts dir so" the guy replied.

No hablo German, either!

Boys are fun.

I really enjoy teenage boys. Not in a creepy way; they just amuse me and they're fun to hang out with. Especially when, like my PWI friends, they have just the right balance of machismo and sensitivity. And it's always nicer to have someone to go questing with. Someone to take some of your hits. Someone to wail over your dead body if you're killed by an aggressive mongoose, then commit suicide so you can both rendezvous at the respawn point. Yes, I have done that, and I'm not alone, either.

Questing and running around with these PWI guys reminds me of living in Minnesota many years ago, when my best friends were the neighbor boys. They had at their disposal several acres of farm, a four-wheeler, and a healthy taste for adventure. Whether we were catching frogs, falling off hay bales, or simply chasing each other with sticks, we had fun.

So I guess, as it turns out, one of the reasons I play PWI is to relive the halcyon days of youth. Only this time it's cactopods, fortress walls, and swords instead of frogs, hay bales and sticks.

"Blue_Wind wants to carry you. Accept?"

Here's a little event that happened a while ago, but it's relevant to the way I'm feeling right now.

It was probably only the first or second day that I'd been playing as Meirizhu. At any rate, I was at a low level. I was hanging out in Plume, the lovely city of the elves, when I received a notice:

“Blue_Wind wants to carry you. Do you accept? Yes/No”

I'd never gotten a notice like this. Duurrrrrrr, I wonder what that means, I thought, and pressed “yes.”

Next thing I knew I was in the arms of a handsome young archer, my booted feet dangling.

“Hi,” Blue Wind whispered.

So this is what it means to be carried, I thought. Why didn't I guess? I found out later that carrying someone or being carried fills up your chi gauge, which allows you to execute special techniques. Therefore it's not uncommon for male characters to ask random female passersby for “a chi spark,” though usually they have other motives that are less pragmatic.

I don't know about chi sparks at the time, so I didn't know if that's what Blue Wind was after, but he quite gallantly asked if I needed help with any quests.

I thought about my current quarry, cactopods, which usually died after two hits, and rolled my eyes. Chauvinist pig.

“No, I'm all right,” is what I actually said. And then, I went on: “Thank you, though. Quite chivalrous.” And I politely asked him to set me down.

At the time, I was slightly miffed. The nerve of him, scooping me up and then patronizing me! But later on I began to melt. It was still less than a week since my boyfriend of a year and a half had dumped me, and I was stressing out about school, too, considering switching majors. I felt overwhelmed and very, very alone. I think some part of me actually wanted someone to drop out of the sky, pick me up, and offer to help me with anything I needed.

And that's kind of what I want right now.

Just for the record...

...I don't particularly like being a scary androgynous bitch.

I had a good system going with Liulen. She was a persona I assumed well. While playing as Liulen, I am delicate, friendly, and feminine, despite the plate armor and gigantic sword.

Recently I met a fascinating wizard. With his linguistic acrobatics, bizarre sense of humor, and awkwardly chauvinist pick-up techniques he reminds me strongly of one of my ex-boyfriends. Maybe it was because I felt I already knew him that I found myself being more honest with this wizard than with anyone else I talk to on Perfect World. Thus it was that Liulen turned into an aggressive, castrating, sarcastic grammar nazi... in other words, me on a bad day.

His shtick is asking girls if they want to ride on his flying sword. (He does actually have one; the flying swords are kind of cool.) Today he asked me, "Hey, are you a girl? If so, want a ride on my sword?" This pissed me off beyond reason. I've thought it odd that people usually assume players in PWI are actually the gender of their character. Well, here was someone not making that blind assumption. Good for him, right?

The thing was, I'd been talking to this guy for a while, and he still didn't fully believe I was a girl. But that's ok, too, right? Gender shouldn't really matter in a world where players make no physical contact with each other.

I guess I might still be bitter from the time I got my hair cut like Bruce Lee's and everyone kept calling me "sir."

Eventually he excused himself, citing faction business as his reason. I ran into him later in the city chatting with a Venomancer. Fully aware of the awkwardness of the situation, he said, "Holy shit... uhh, want to ride my sword, Liulen?"

Link to study on gender identity and avatars

When my friend Tamar learned about this blog, he showed me an article from Investigaming on gender identity and gaming avatar preferences.

This study says that there is surprisingly little difference between male preferences for avatar choice and female preferences. Both genders seem to prefer exaggerated, over-sexualized body types; however, both genders also prefer less-revealing costumes. Both genders shun negative female stereotypes and are attracted to positive stereotypes--I'm pretty much quoting the article, here; what's an example of a positive stereotype?

I do wish I could get Meirizhu some more modest clothes. Light armor in PWI apparently consists of bra, miniskirt, and heeled boots.

Anyway, go ahead and check out the article here. I, for one, am skeptical of its validity, since the authors don't mention their research methods. But judge for yourself. It's an interesting read, at least.