Excuse me for liking men.

Let me just start by saying that I really enjoy the faction that my characters Meirizhu and Siloam belong to. It's full of fun, talkative people, and a good handful of them are women near my age who share some of my interests.

Perhaps it's not too surprising that we spend a lot of time in faction chat discussing--and arguing about--the sexiness of Johnny Depp, Vin Diesel, Viggo Mortensen, and other men. And we are quite honest and specific about how we feel about them.

Usually other faction members are amused, indifferent, or just weirded out by these discussions.

Today, though, someone in the faction was offended, and asked us that if we were going to "trash talk" we should do it in private chat rather than faction chat.

Well, whether she was being oversensitive or not, we agreed to keep our discussions private. I think it was silly, but I'd rather not cause offense and drama within the faction. Or get kicked out for starting trouble.

No, I'm not looking for a "bf."

It's kind of sad but almost cute when a male player asks a female player to be his in-game girlfriend.

Unless, of course, said male player is 35 years old and pops the question to someone he's never spoken to before. Then it's just creepy.

On a side note, I think it's ironic that "gf" can mean either "girlfriend" or "good fight."

Boys are fun.

I really enjoy teenage boys. Not in a creepy way; they just amuse me and they're fun to hang out with. Especially when, like my PWI friends, they have just the right balance of machismo and sensitivity. And it's always nicer to have someone to go questing with. Someone to take some of your hits. Someone to wail over your dead body if you're killed by an aggressive mongoose, then commit suicide so you can both rendezvous at the respawn point. Yes, I have done that, and I'm not alone, either.

Questing and running around with these PWI guys reminds me of living in Minnesota many years ago, when my best friends were the neighbor boys. They had at their disposal several acres of farm, a four-wheeler, and a healthy taste for adventure. Whether we were catching frogs, falling off hay bales, or simply chasing each other with sticks, we had fun.

So I guess, as it turns out, one of the reasons I play PWI is to relive the halcyon days of youth. Only this time it's cactopods, fortress walls, and swords instead of frogs, hay bales and sticks.

"Blue_Wind wants to carry you. Accept?"

Here's a little event that happened a while ago, but it's relevant to the way I'm feeling right now.

It was probably only the first or second day that I'd been playing as Meirizhu. At any rate, I was at a low level. I was hanging out in Plume, the lovely city of the elves, when I received a notice:

“Blue_Wind wants to carry you. Do you accept? Yes/No”

I'd never gotten a notice like this. Duurrrrrrr, I wonder what that means, I thought, and pressed “yes.”

Next thing I knew I was in the arms of a handsome young archer, my booted feet dangling.

“Hi,” Blue Wind whispered.

So this is what it means to be carried, I thought. Why didn't I guess? I found out later that carrying someone or being carried fills up your chi gauge, which allows you to execute special techniques. Therefore it's not uncommon for male characters to ask random female passersby for “a chi spark,” though usually they have other motives that are less pragmatic.

I don't know about chi sparks at the time, so I didn't know if that's what Blue Wind was after, but he quite gallantly asked if I needed help with any quests.

I thought about my current quarry, cactopods, which usually died after two hits, and rolled my eyes. Chauvinist pig.

“No, I'm all right,” is what I actually said. And then, I went on: “Thank you, though. Quite chivalrous.” And I politely asked him to set me down.

At the time, I was slightly miffed. The nerve of him, scooping me up and then patronizing me! But later on I began to melt. It was still less than a week since my boyfriend of a year and a half had dumped me, and I was stressing out about school, too, considering switching majors. I felt overwhelmed and very, very alone. I think some part of me actually wanted someone to drop out of the sky, pick me up, and offer to help me with anything I needed.

And that's kind of what I want right now.

Just for the record...

...I don't particularly like being a scary androgynous bitch.

I had a good system going with Liulen. She was a persona I assumed well. While playing as Liulen, I am delicate, friendly, and feminine, despite the plate armor and gigantic sword.

Recently I met a fascinating wizard. With his linguistic acrobatics, bizarre sense of humor, and awkwardly chauvinist pick-up techniques he reminds me strongly of one of my ex-boyfriends. Maybe it was because I felt I already knew him that I found myself being more honest with this wizard than with anyone else I talk to on Perfect World. Thus it was that Liulen turned into an aggressive, castrating, sarcastic grammar nazi... in other words, me on a bad day.

His shtick is asking girls if they want to ride on his flying sword. (He does actually have one; the flying swords are kind of cool.) Today he asked me, "Hey, are you a girl? If so, want a ride on my sword?" This pissed me off beyond reason. I've thought it odd that people usually assume players in PWI are actually the gender of their character. Well, here was someone not making that blind assumption. Good for him, right?

The thing was, I'd been talking to this guy for a while, and he still didn't fully believe I was a girl. But that's ok, too, right? Gender shouldn't really matter in a world where players make no physical contact with each other.

I guess I might still be bitter from the time I got my hair cut like Bruce Lee's and everyone kept calling me "sir."

Eventually he excused himself, citing faction business as his reason. I ran into him later in the city chatting with a Venomancer. Fully aware of the awkwardness of the situation, he said, "Holy shit... uhh, want to ride my sword, Liulen?"